i'm not going to get all "everyone forgot about me," because they didn't. it's just that i had school, and i know that about a million other people have had school on their birthdays, but it sucked.

i didn't really want any attention for my birthday. i specifically asked for nothing except a guitar cable. it's not that i was trying to be miserable, i just wished that i was back in public school where my friends were. i don't know, it just seems like a happier place.

plus my fucking spanish teacher gave me this star to wear. it spelled my name "michel," which is even more fucked up than it already is. so then i went around the school, and people realized it was my birthday. i got one "kill yourself," from one of the really cool kids, but the majority of the people said happy birthday. that was cool. i mean, it's not like i want them to decorate my locker or anything...it would be kind of weird, especially in an all guys school.

another kid just thought i wore the star not because it was my birthday, but because "i'm a punk," and i only did it to be cool...that's me alright...yeah.

isn't it so fucked that on your birthday, everything changes? it's like being born only gives you the right to be treated decently for one day. for the whole day my parents didn't give me shit, they were nice to me. and now i get to go back to the fucking bullshit that i endure the other 364 days of the year.

like i said, i didn't ask for anything. i told them to get me something that reminded them of me, or that they thought i would want. that shows me how much my fucking family knows me. but it's the thought that counts.

the only person who actually got me a meaningful gift was my father, the guy i hate most.

i already sort of got into how my friends celebrated my birthday in my other journal, so i won't go into it here. but the thing i don't understand is why was ben was pissed at me for not wanting to go to the elk's show on my birthday. i know it's the last one, but i've never really been all "gung-ho" about going to the elk's. i think julia was the only other person that realized that, and plus, she says that she tells me she doesn't always enjoy the shows either. and now it comes off like i ditched my friends for my girlfriend, when in reality, my friends chose not to watch a movie with me like we planned, but to go to a place that i am usually reluctant to go.