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God and the Devil are Raging Inside of Me
2006-11-23 - 12:53 a.m.

How have I held this in for so long? How? And now I'm hinting at it to Sam, and Ben, and even to Jerry, who has nothing to do with anything.


It takes me back to see julia with dark hair and glasses.


I don't know, is it possible that the truest feelings are the ones that you don't even recognize you're feeling? Like a depressed person not even recognizing that he has a problem, or a person who can't see all the walls he's built around himself. I mean complete unconsciousness.


Jessie said that it feels like we never left each other.


Ben said he doesn't really like the Fall of Troy anymore.


Chuck thought I was smelling him tonight.


I didn't feel comfortable around any girls tonight. None.


My house got tee-peed because my brother is a senior on the varsity football team.


When I hugged everyone tonight, I really meant it, more than I've ever hugged someone hello. Except Michelle. Who is she?


I asked Teddy how college was tonight. Then I openly admitted that I only asked because I didn't want me saying hi to be awkward. It was still awkward.


I'm still up in the air about the unconscious feelings. I wonder if it's possible to be jealous but not know. Because jealousy is one of those things that you either acknowledge or deny. It doesn't just sit there. Same with love. Same with fear. It's not that black and white, though. I know.

earlier - later