For just this minute, I may be okay with snow coming and covering the ground outside my apartment. Right now the sun is reflecting cold white light off the rock face right outside my window. It's not the light reflected off of snow, but it's close. So, for this moment right now, when I'm wearing pajama pants and sitting in a warm house with bare feet on a tiled floor, I'm okay with winter coming.

What I'm not okay with is the body falling apart thing. Poor form in everything I do is causing me to lose it. My legs might as well be cracked down the center of each shin (though it would be a lot worse if they actually were), my left shoulder feels like it's rotting off of my back.

I feel it in the way I walk around campus, leaning back a little bit so I roll my weight from the back to the front of my foot and not landing flat foot.

I feel it sitting in class, pushing my shoulders back against my chair as the pain creeps into the left side of my neck and up through my jaw.

Typing at the computer, I feel it as my back leans forward and arches and there's this tension right in the small of my back. I just scooted my chair into the desk and leaned back. I feel better.

When I sleep on my side I feel my shoulder crunching into my back, making my spine crooked, one shoulder higher than the other.

And, like I said, it's all brought on from poor form. Running the wrong way splinters my shins. Poor posture playing the upright has deteriorated my left side in two days. My dad would say "Listen to your body," and at this point, what other choice do I have? The entire left side of my upper body aches in some way: brain, ear, jaw, neck, shoulder, wrist.

I feel like if I were to stop trying to hold my body together, it would just congeal. Suddenly everything would just snap back into place, into the way it wants to be. I would be hunched over and rounded in my chair. Hideous.

Things could be worse, so much worse, but I still wish my body worked the way it should, or at least that I functioned without flaws.