I'm sorry/I don't know, I just love this season with ever fiber and sweat gland of my body. When I exit a house in shorts and a t-shirt and feel no pain, no shiver, just heat and heaviness in the air, it brings me such an insane amount of joy that I

want to stand still by the edge of my driveway by the normally bustling street, now empty at 2:30am. Not a sound.

So many memories tied to this season, this physical state of sweating, nearly naked, in a room with the windows open, a car passes each hour and wakes me. Getting home from overnights at the studio at 7am, sleeping until noon then, because why waste the fucking day?

It's the literal opposite of how I feel as winter sets in, trudging toward unpleasantness, purple hands. Now I swell, if I was still wearing a ring it would stop slipping off. I feel the need to step into the sun without a shirt on, but I see the old men at the beach that have been doing that their whole lives and they look like fucking messes.

I feel it build up inside of me at night, when I walk to my car. I feel like I've never been so happy and alone and sad and loved and white and spoiled and doomed and warm.