K sent me an e-mail yesterday. There was the initial happiness at knowing that she's thinking of me enough to send me an e-mail, but following close behind is the little bit of sadness in reading her words. Casual conversation she's trying to spark, expressing general concern at not hearing from me in two months. She has heard from me, I just keep my cards close to my chest when I respond to her messages.

I sat on it for most of the day, but never really formulated an answer. Later I sent her a message, tried to keep it short. Just told her to stop contacting me, through e-mail and social media. I said I'd contact her when I felt ready.

I also told her to stop signing her e-mails 'Love,' because it's fucking confusing. I didn't say it like that, I was polite and not a crazy person. Also I get it. I'm just not there yet. She says I love you to everyone, and two months ago it meant something different for us. Still a disconnect. Still traces of disbelief, which means non-acceptance, which means I'm not ready to be over her yet.