The urge is getting stronger. I considered looking at plane tickets to South Korea today. Considered. Looking.

It's this story I'm reading. Reunited lovers, overcoming what split them up. Coming to terms with differences. Trusting, swallowing pride.

I think of that. I think of starting again [again]. Demanding that we rearrange our lives to make it real, let it work. Long term goals. I think that we fucked with something special. I think that she might think that this was all a mistake, too. Not the going away part, but splitting. I think about calling her and starting this conversation, but there has to be a greater sign. Greater than fresh regret and some moving words.

Or not. I also think that I'm wrong. There are no signs, nothing so clear cut. Just guts or stupidity or resignation or indifference. Whatever gets you through it, makes you happy.

She said 'I stopped loving you like that' The romance was dead. There was someone new. Even if I did end up on my knees in front of her, she wouldn't be moved. I imagine 'I...can't.' That would hurt worse than it does now.

But the hope still burns like a little candle in a dark empty cave.