I feel almost at peace.

Yeah, no one is calling or texting me anymore. The girls I show interest in disappear, parry my attempts at anything. I find I'm asking myself if I'm really that uncool, that repulsive. I'm spending a lot of time by myself because there's no work this month and Sam's job dominates his life right now. I walk instead of ride because I have nothing else to do. I tell myself that I'm a piece of shit every day I don't work.

But I'm okay. What I'm lacking in self-esteem I'm making up for in resolve. Been waking up early the past few days, going to try and keep it going. I booked a real show in Brooklyn, I'm waiting for training days at Apple. I shot a music video. I'm getting ready to be done with JN touring. I'm disappointed by how much money dictates my feelings, because I'm not broke, but I dip into savings and I feel like l'm not doing this right. It's an odd time.