I feel myself sinking into this feeling again. I guess you could call it depression, but I'd describe it as more of an auto-pilot.

I'm searching for validation from someone. It's not good to do that, I know, but I feel like I appear like such an idiot to all the people I admire. It's why I spend time with people that I don't love spending time with, it's why I kiss that girl who I don't like kissing. It's why I want to live alone.

Changes are coming and I'll embrace them. I'll keep looking for a partner in crime. Soon another summer will be gone and it'll be time to decide if New York has worked out for me after two years.