A crowded L Train platform, two minutes til the next Brooklyn bound one arrives. I have to say it.

I say it, "I just have to get this out there," very casual, natural, just like I rehearsed it, "to know whether or not to shut it down, move on. Ya know."

I'm starting to invest some emotions into our relationship, and I just wanted to know if that's. Something. That you were also feeling.

She hears me out and then she starts talking. She might see me age a year for every one of those 10 seconds.

She says she started caring about me, but she just went through a lot and she's not ready for anything else right now. I'm nodding and smiling the whole time, Yes, I get it. The train is pulling up. No worries, no problem. Just needed to know whether to nip it in the bud or not. Hug, get home safe.

When I get back above ground my phone vibrates. I stand in my living room reading her apology. She hopes she didn't sound dismissive. She cares about me a lot (again) and there is obviously something between us, she just can't give me what I'm looking for right now.

I reply that I don't want anything or anyone. I just needed to know if my feelings were correctly calibrated, because as familiar as this is, it's been a while since I've felt like this.

How do you feel, exactly? she asks.

I think for a little bit, I need to draft this one out. Honesty and directness is refreshing, I'll go that route. I say that I am attracted to her and I like spending time with her. It's important to stay grounded and not get carried away with feelings. I don't say that second part.

She says she feels the same.

I say, Please let me know when you're ready for whatever comes next. She promises that she will and thanks me for being honest. Goodnight.

Today we sat together in the break room. We didn't say anything about it and nothing seemed different, but we both knew that we both knew. That's all for now, and that's enough for this second.