Every place I go seems better than where I am. Then I think about it for a while and I see that it's all a wash. Outside the city rent is cheaper, but the cost of a car offsets those savings. And wouldn't I miss it, the city?

Sat and talked with Steve and Rachel for a few hours tonight. I don't say much, they're still new to me and I stumble over my words and my brain always takes a while to learn how to talk to people.

We ate dinner at their dining room table in their house with a huge backyard in the middle of nowhere. For the most part they just have each other and their cats. I listen to the way they talk to each other with such familiarity, like a two-headed person. That makes me realize the size of the hole in me, more than being outside of the city and work while doing what I love.

A girl used a bad pickup line on me in a bar a month ago. I've been seeing her a few times a week since then. The sparks aren't catching, though, and I know that they don't always have to, but what's the point otherwise? To get laid? That's fine, yeah, but searching for reasons to like her brings me down farther than I would be if I'd just gone home and slept alone.