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kill it, buddy
2003-12-18 - 10:09 p.m.

you threatened to chop off my brother's fingers the other night. it was an empty threat, but tonights was a lot better.

i have to admit you hitting me in public would be a sight to see. my plan is pretty good...just to yell at you and pretend i've never met you. that way some tough black guy comes out of nowhere and kicks your ass.

i probably wouldn't do that. probably would lose it and start swinging at you, too. i like how i forget everything i've ever learned in a second when i'm angry. i've kept it together, though, in...uh...baseball. i used to go nuts when i started getting hurt fighting some thirty year old. but last night i just sidekicked him to the thigh, and it was good. then i roundhoused him to the side of the head. not hard, though.

HEY! you know what a good example of me losing it was? the other night when you wouldn't stop whacking me in the arm. yeah. then i wound up and did some idiot punch right at your arm. one of those stiff wristed punches that probably hurt me more than it ever hurt you.

when i was twelve some guy named phil started kicking the crap out of me in class. that was another good time that i lost it. haha, when i say "lost it" i don't mean just started going crazy and kicking the shit out of some guy...i mean like tearing up and just being pissed off and acting like an idiot. i basically do that on a day to day basis, minus the tearing up. the smallest thing sets me off. not screaming and punching walls...i just put on my sadface that you hate...and it just stays there. i have that stupid hate for my father again. the kind that comes and goes, but for most of the time it's just there. he'll say one thing that is just sort-of annoying and i'll just end up really really pissed off, end up mouthing off, and then get him pissed off. ah...whatever.

another kid had a picture of his girlfriend in his locker today. it was her prom picture. he's a big italian kid, she looks like some dumb italian girl. of course, i've never met her before. and going from the type of kid this big italian kid is (Sal) i would say he's probably in love with her. is it the same way i love you? probably not, i mean, everybody has their own definition of love. for some idiots out there it's just "some nice titties and a sweet ass." mine is just "you."

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