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compelled to write something before i try on sleep
2007-10-24 - 1:01 a.m.

The first friend I had at school left. Sarah just packed her bags and left. One and a half semesters left until graduation and she's gone. What do you do with that? She just got so scared of graduating that she prevented it from happening.

Something about driving through Springfield in the rain with "Nude" playing. Seemed right.

Took me 200 miles and two days to realize she's too young in her head. But saying someone else is too young is obviously hypocritical. Look where I'm writing this.

I had to leave the house at one point to go off by myself. Someone lit a fire on the beach, so I could enjoy the moon and stay warm, even with the wind. I really enjoy longboarding. Something new to become mediocre at.

Relaxation isn't being away from Skidmore. It's being alone, anywhere. A desert island might work. My room. I need to wrap Christmas lights around my bed and fall asleep in it.

And all the Radiohead conspiracies, too. They're dumb. It's just a nice mix CD that they've created.

Playing jazz tonight sucked. It normally isn't that bad, but it was just fucking awful tonight.

Drew a line tonight at the editorial meeting between students who love their work and students who just need to get it done.

I can't say anything about wanting to go home, either. Because if I really wanted it so badly, why haven't I left yet? Moreover, why am I going to England? If I really wanted to be at home, playing music with my friends, why am I still here? Doesn't feel like I'm lying to myself when I say I want to go. Never does.

That's what it is. Get it out of the way. Can't ignore that feeling. Get it over with. The sooner the better. Eat all of the gross food on my plate first. Then start on the things that taste good. Throw it all up!

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