When I can't see out of the window at night time and I hear noises from the backyard, I imagine something very large and scary is standing so close, maybe inches from the glass. And if I just looked hard enough to focus on the outside of the glass and not my reflection, I would see this thing, like a movie without the orchestra hit. But I don't look up from whatever I'm doing at the counter, and I let it keep watching me because as long as I don't acknowledge it it's not there.

I spent today worrying about how to solve a potential conflict with K. Checking my inbox constantly, imagining confrontations and how I would phrase it, things that have been brewing in me since London. Asking her rhetorically if she's ever taken responsibility for any of the problems in our relationship. It blew over around midnight when she sent me a message acting like nothing had happened, left a voicemail acting like she wasn't mad at me, hadn't been. Weight was lifted.

She regresses sometimes, but so do I.