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2010-03-22 - 3:44 a.m.

gas station sunset, FL

I might be getting tired of the view from the van window, but I won't admit it to anyone. When S asks me if I'm going to stay on for the next month I act like I'm not giving it a second thought.

There's too much and not enough going on. I miss the regular load in and out of tour, and now this sitting around makes me see how much time I'm really killing. Plus, we're joined by someone I don't want to be around.

But I'll stay here, partially because a plane ride home is more than I'd spend on food in the time I'd be out here, and I'm not going to have this time with my boys much longer.

I don't like sharing them, I'm realizing. They're a likable group, and everywhere we go these people latch on to them. Other bands' members want to quit their own groups and join ours. Squids request the merch-person slot. I'm not too torn about not selling merch on their next tour, but when another guitarist starts saying they want in, I can't deal with it.

Also, the jealousy has been back. I told K about my discomfort with her flirting. I can fully realize that I have nothing to worry about, she's loyal, she woudn't. But regardless of whether or not it'll happen, I'm not comfortable with her hanging out one-on-one with other guys. Not the one she used to have a crush on and last time they saw each other he drunkenly kissed her goodnight. Not the one she meets through a friend and goes to a guitar expo with.

So I told her my feelings, and she can do with it what she wants. No doubt she doesn't see the harm, because she's K and I'm Mike, and these are things I should probably just get over if I ever want to function like a normal human being.

earlier - later