Apartment hunting in NYC, I feel so defeated.

I felt something when I was walking to my last appointment today. I knew that it was going to be the right place, but that it was also going to be lost arbitrarily. Not a pessimistic thought, just a premonition. I just felt the emptiness in the stomach, when what you want gets dangled in your face and ripped away. It did. The landlord said he would never rent to a musician.

But it was nice to meet someone new. And the whole time I reminded myself what I say whenever I meet someone who seems amazing, that no one is everything you've ever wanted. I really could have fooled myself, though. She had a porch swing in her living room.