Ejected myself from the apartment tonight. I felt it in my guts and my bones that I didn't want to sit inside on a Friday night. Fuck it, spend the $5 on subway fare. Breaking Bad can wait.

I went to the gig of a couple college acquaintances, mostly for networking purposes, but it actually was good music for free. It made me even more mad about my recording being in the can, mad at the fuckface shitbag up in Boston who fucked me over, but I still worked myself in to a rehearsal on Sunday. Music with people again will be so unbelievably sweet.

Within 10 minutes of being at the venue a girl had started talking to me. She talked to a lot of people, but it was a reminder of how easy it is to make friends here. It's an odd thing to think about, but in 2 months my girlfriend is leaving for South Korea, we'll be breaking up, and it'll actually be permissible to try. The blinders will come off. There's a flipside, of course, but we'll have to block that one out right away.

The most remarkable part of the night was talking about P. Her name came up passing, and I felt secure enough to discuss my encounters with her with a mutual friend.

P played viola in my senior project. I coached her through playing a difficult piece. She was my most supportive and enthusiastic player, truly an inspiration and a blessing.

I was dating K then, so P kept her distance and I didn't think twice about her. She was just a pleasant person.

A month after graduation I got a message from her, a long one where she talked to me about how she thought I was a great person. I happened to think she was also a great person, and we went back and forth for a little bit, musing on her compositions and music in general.

The conversation died after a few days, and I didn't really think about her until six months later, when I got full of myself and Googled my own name. Her LiveJournal popped up on the results, and I saw she had mentioned my name in a post. There wasn't much to it, the most I could gather was that she had written a song about me and another guy name Matt Conway and was going to play it at an open mic. I assumed that the 'me' part was similar to what she had written to me about, and the 'Matt' part was about her romantic interest. I never heard the song.

I related all of this to D tonight, and he and the girl he was with both responded that they knew about all of this.

Matt Conway, as it turns out, was just the name she used for me when singing the song. I kind of stopped when they told me that, just got a little bit confused. I hadn't known she felt that way about me.

I've never had a song written for me. Lots of angry poetry and prose, but no melodies. I always thought since it was what I did for other people, I was exempt from being on the receiving end.

I'd like to hear the song, and I'd like to get to know P more.

This place is amazing. I think it's going to eat me alive.