I avoided Joe for six months. Not because I don't love him like a brother; I do. In February he left me a voicemail that said 'We should talk, we're in a similar spot and it would be good to commiserate.' I told myself I'd call him, but months went by and the longer I put it off the more it seemed like a shitty idea.

He's staying with Sam and me for two weeks, which is a joy. It took just a couple of hours to get into talking about our breakups. We sat on a park bench and worked through them. Picked at my scabs for the first time in a while.

It's dangerous. Have to remind myself constantly that we're different. He and SJ still love each other. They write each other, they text, they speak. When I hear about their periodic rendezvous, about their love letters, when I read SJ pining openly on Tumblr, I think about reaching out to K again. I try to construct a letter to her. How does it start? Why am I writing her? What are my goals?

That's when I snap out of it. I remember that Joe and SJ chose a break and followed through with it. They have the means to see each other when they can. Both sides still want that closeness.

Talking with Joe about who SJ is to him, it's easy to remember who K was to me. That one person I managed to connect with in all of this time, the one person I still ache for. It drags me backwards, makes me forget the way she left me, what she left me for, how she's fine where she is.

I don't have the choice anymore. It's been too long now to rekindle anything. There was barely anything remaining when she left me, and after nine months she's happy in her new place. She might think of me sometimes, and I don't know it as a fact, but I know she's found the next man in her life. I can see it in the few pictures that slip through the cracks of the walls I put up. She's trying to protect me, which should feel good but instead it's condescending.

We gave up on each other. No way to tell who did it first. Of course I feel like moving to fucking South Korea is a pretty big 'I Give Up', but I also know that I didn't make it hard for her to decide.

I'm glad I didn't, because I don't think she'd trade what she's experiencing now for happiness with me, even if I could guarantee it.

I miss my old girlfriend. And that's why it's hard to talk to Joe.

I can't talk about this stupid hurricane tonight. Sorry.