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dear diary, OMG LOL ROFL TTYL
2013-01-19 - 1:10 a.m.

More or less slipping back into who I was in college. I don't think I'm depressed, but I feel my goddamn sex-drive is deteriorating like it did when classwork started piling up. Back then I would crawl into bed with K after hours of composing and working on papers weeks that weren't due for weeks. We'd have sex once or twice a week. I was completely taking the body next to me for granted.

Work at the Fruit Store is slowly consuming me. I don't have a weekend anymore, and I spend my off-days tutoring. I don't hate it, and the 'sell-out' mental-branding I gave myself is scarring over. I still have time to write and play music, so I haven't had to compromise much in order to have money again.

I have musicians together playing my tunes. I'm learning to do it for fun again. Throwing plans out the window until we're what I want us to be. It feels good, and that's all I want for now.

I see P once or twice a week now, but she's flirting with her ex-boyfriend again and I don't have time for that bullshit. She's free to do whatever she wants with her body, I just won't share. And I wouldn't expect her to still want me if I moved on to someone else, either.

She's sweet, but it's taken me a month to realize that she hasn't made me laugh once. After this long, I've forgotten what it's like to genuinely be interested in a person beyond the desire for physical contact.

I know what I'm missing now, at least, and I know what to look for.

earlier - later