Listening to my friends' new album a lot. It makes me miss them, miss being a part of it in whatever small way I was for that short period of time. There isn't any room for me in that place anymore. The big door is shut, but I'm not really sad about that anymore. Even the little entry-points are closed up. There are a lot of people that will sell merchandise for them, they don't require a tour manager, they have an unending supply of photographers, auxiliary musicians, fans. I'm a dear friend, I know this, but I'm now a fan in the same way that Joe or Patrick is.

I do miss the way I felt standing in the house they built.

I think it's a really odd thing to be this detached from what I want. I know the steps I have to take. I think I need to leave this city, but part of me enjoys the challenge it's presenting. If I had a friend that was on the same page anywhere else in the world, I would go to them. Until then, I'm paying to play in smoky rehearsal spaces with relative strangers that I lack any and all faith in. I'm humoring myself and I'm scared to think that I might be better off alone, at least until that right person comes along.

Such a weird thing, worrying about finding the person I want to play music with. What happened to trying to find a girlfriend?

But to get back to my original thought, it really is a great album and I'm excited to watch my friends explode.