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it's like i need a goddamn mantra or something
2014-07-01 - 12:29 a.m.

If anyone were to ask me, I would say that I'm an atheist. I gave up around 2008-2009 when I was dealing with that death thing in college. Losing faith in the afterlife made me lose faith in prayer, and from there everything that came beforehand just seemed like an unnecessary mess. It sounds like a personal problem, thinking about it. There are plenty of people that have faith without insane guilt.

Even now, though, my knee-jerk when misfortune strikes is to wonder what I did wrong, how my behavior in the days or hours leading up to the event fed the disaster. I recognize that this is the leftovers of whatever was instilled in me, and I have to make a conscious effort to push it aside.

My tooth came loose because of a ridiculous coincidence of physics and physiology. It wasn't because I was talking shit about my band and the lame show I was at via text. Plans don't fall through because I talk about them too much. These are things that happen, but not for those reasons.

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