Putting a pin in that question, "Why do I feel especially awful saying goodbye to people?"

The answer would seem like an obvious, "Because you care about them." It feels a little bit heavier than that, though. Paula asks why I'm describing those scenes from a couple of entries ago, crying on Patrick, leaving Chuck and Ben. Felt the same thing today closing the car door.

There's this invisible string attached to my belly button, and I've run it to all of my closest friends, and when I start to separate from them it starts tugging on me.

I just see this place that I want to belong so badly. And I think about everything I've done to run away from it, usually because I'm trying to measure up to the status quo for no reason besides it being the direction where I was pointed by my folks.

Blaming parents is too easy, though. Soon enough I realize that I'm 27 and if I can't make a decision independent of my parents, then I'm even less of a human than I already deem myself.