I'm going on tour with her again. To do that I had to ask for a lot of time off from my full-time, a month. They reluctantly gave it to me and I was super surprised and stoked--I didn't have to give up health insurance, my discounts, employment when I get back.

My football-player manager took me aside today and broke the news to me that I'm actually going to lose it all. This is called a "Personal Leave," not unpaid time away. I'd be leaving the company, and when I got back I would have to be essentially rehired.

I shouldn't be surprised or indignant, I asked for a lot. To be guaranteed a job after leaving for a month...it's a lot. I just hoped they wouldn't put me on the inactive list and make me jump through hoops to come back.

The way he said it, framing the conversation he'd had with HR. "'I don't know, this could be a deal breaker for him. I don't know if the Promoter is going to be covering him for that month.' Do you have something worked out with the venues and promoters? I just wanted to make sure you knew what was going on." He wasn't gleeful, but it felt manipulative. Do people think musicians get health insurance from the clubs they play?

(This is a living room tour, anyway.)

Thinking back on it over the course of the day, I'm surprised I didn't laugh when he said that. Why the fuck would that be the deal breaker? I went into the first conversation thinking I was going to get rejected and that I'd have to quit--or worse, game the system and go on disability.

And I was prepared to do that. They think threatening me with losing my benefits and a tedious rehire process would stop me from pursuing something I want? I know I have it better than most/all in the world of retail or even elsewhere, but goddamn, fuck your company.

I might be coming back to you when I'm done, but I'm not going to be crawling.